Harry Potter and the Prankster's Prophecy
by VladTepes
Summary: Now in his sixth year, Harry decides to throw the rulebook out the window. Starting a prank war with the Weasly Twins seems the perfect way to start! HPBlaise Zabini eventually. AU post OotP


Disclaimer: *sighs*  I REALLY wish I didn't have to go through with these…  However, I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters.  Nope…  they all belong to J.K. Rowling.  

Summary: After OotP, Harry decides that the rulebook should be thrown out the window.  Old characters, new situations, a few new powers.  Prankwars galore!!!

***Number 4 Privet Drive***

   *_I can't believe it's only been a week…_*  

   For the past several days, Harry had been locked in his cupboard.  Immediately after arriving at Number 4 Privet Drive, Uncle Vernon had soundly cuffed Harry upside the head, grinning wickedly.  After Harry had mentioned that Mad-Eye and the rest of the Order would NOT be happy to hear about the strike, Vernon had started laughing.  Reminding the Dursley's of the wizards apparently had not been a good idea.  Vernon had promptly forced Harry to write enough letters to last the rest of the summer, then had locked him in his cupboard with the promise of no food or water.  He was to be allowed out long enough to send a letter or use the bathroom.  Otherwise, he spent hours on end staring at the bottom of the stairs, hoping that someone would come get him.

   Worse yet, Vernon had decided to attempt to "remove" Harry's "freakishness" once again.  Within hours of this, Harry had already received numerous bruises, scrapes, and cuts.  Combined with the lack of sleep due to his nightmares, he already looked a fright.  Dudley's cast-off jeans, which normally needed several folds in the waist to fit, now would easily fit four of Harry together.  

   "GET UP BOY!!!"  *_Great…  The "family's" awake..._*

   Vernon's footsteps echoed down the stairs and through the house, as his bellows threatened to shake the spiders off their webs.  Unlocking the cupboard door, he thrust one beefy hand inside and dragged Harry out by the throat.  Shaking him repeatedly, Vernon dragged the thin teenager into the kitchen.

   "You've gotten a letter from one of those…  _freaks__…_ again."  Vernon snarled.  "I guess it's time for you to send another _assurance_ of your _exemplary_ behavior!"  Harry grimaced to himself.  Another faked letter, stating that everything was completely _normal_ inside the Dursley household.  The opposite couldn't have been more true.  Normal in the Dursley household now meant beatings three or more times a day, no food, no water, and barely enough room to curl into a ball and attempt to breathe.  Not that breathing was easy at any rate.  Harry had several cracked ribs, which made every breath a painful victory.  

   Harry attached one of his pre-written letters to Hedwig's leg, gave her an affectionate stroke of her snowy wings, and sent her off to Hermione, hoping that the bushy-haired bookworm would be able to figure out that all was not right with the Boy Who Lived.  He had managed to hide several clues in each of the letters, praying that someone would figure out that they were written under duress.  So far, no one had been the wiser.

   Watching the beautiful owl soar off into the distance, Harry was rudely yanked back towards his cupboard by a fistful of hair.  Once he arrived, Vernon bodily threw him inside, causing him to nearly lose consciousness as his head struck the far wall.  Dazed and confused, he watched as Vernon slammed the door and threw the bolt, hissing spitefully that Harry had earned another well-deserved beating for being so slow.

   *_Please, someone get me out of here…  Please…  Help me…_*

************************************************************************

Granger Residence

   "Hermione dear…  I think that this is for you…"  Mrs. Granger pointed shakily towards the snowy owl perched on the windowsill, hooting anxiously.  Upon seeing Hermione step into the room, Hedwig launched herself at the bushy-haired girl, landing daintily on her shoulder and sticking out her leg.

  Hermione retrieved the slightly crumpled parchment, turning to the table and spreading the page out to read.

  _Moody,_

_  So far, you won't have to come to Privet Dr.  The muggles here are absolutely TERRIFIED of you.  Since we left King's Cross, the only things I've had to do are sit down and write these letters, do my homework, and make myself meals.  Amazingly enough, I haven't had to weed the garden, or do any other chores recently._

_  I can't believe it's only been a week since the Leaving Feast.  Seems like so much longer.  I don't think that I'll ever be able to match the House Elves for cooking skill though.  Somehow they manage to make delicious food that sticks with you for several days.  Just wish I had thought to eat more, as Aunt Petunia says I need to gain at least fifteen pounds over the summer._

_   Anyways, just needed to let you know that things are fine here in the Muggle world.  Hope to see you soon!_

_                        Harry Potter_

   Hermione finished reading the letter, looking curiously at Hedwig.  "Wasn't this letter supposed to go to Moody?  Why did you bring it to me?"  Her only response was an agitated hoot, and an affectionate nibble on the ear.  Not for the first time, the young witch sighed in exasperation, wishing that animals could somehow communicate what they had seen.

   "Hold on for a moment Hedwig, I need you to take something to Moody for me…"

Number 12 Grimmauld Place

   "Oh for Merlin's sake…  Mad-Eye, can't you do something about that _bloody_ painting?!?!  She's been screaming for hours!"

   Tonks was _definitely _not having a good day.  To begin with, she hadn't been able to get her hair to morph into the color she wanted it, and things had just gone downhill from there.  Breakfast had been ruined after she tripped over a loose nail in the kitchen floor, several books had been destroyed when a cup had somehow gone flying out of her hand, and Kreacher was being an absolute prat of a house elf.

   "I've been trying for three days!  Whatever form of Sticking Charm was used, it's beyond me!"  Moody replied in exasperation.  "I'm about two minutes away from calling up young Bill Weasly and letting _him_ take a crack at it!!!"

   "Maybe you should have done that in the first place.  Either that or let the twins put a couple pranks on the blasted thing."  Tonks stalked off towards the front door muttering under her breath.  "I'm taking a break.  Thinking about running over to Privet Drive and having a quick look-see at Potter."  She shouted over the "traitors" and "mudbloods" being shrieked by the portrait hanging in the entryway.  

   Opening the door, she managed to duck as a snowy white owl came swooping through the entrance, making a beeline for Mad-Eye Moody.  The grizzled ex-Auror paused, letting his magical eye spin wild for a moment, then gently reached up and allowed the exhausted owl to land on his forearm.

   "What are you doing here, young lady?  Shouldn't you be with Mr. Potter?"  He murmured softly.  In answer, Hedwig merely stuck out her leg with a slightly anxious expression in her eyes.  Moody untied the letter, carrying the weary owl into the kitchens, hoping to allow her a few hours of quiet rest.  Opening the parchment and reading, he abruptly sat down at the table, his face going white.

   "Oh Merlin…  What are those Muggles _doing_???"

   Jumping up, he bolted out the door, immediately Disapparating, leaving behind a baffled Tonks.  Wondering what had lit such a fire under his britches, she wandered into the kitchen and glanced over the parchment lying on the table.

   _Moody,_

_   For some odd reason, Hedwig delivered this to me this morning.  After reading it, I seriously doubt that Harry is doing well at his relatives.  I took a risk, and made up a potion I saw in a textbook in the Library last year.  It allows me to tell when something was written, based on how old the ink is.  Don't ask me how, I haven't quite figured out how it works in Wizarding terms.  The Muggles call it "carbon dating".  Usually it is used for archaeology, botany, or forensic science (using evidence to help solve a crime.)  However, the potion I used allows a much closer estimate of age, and works much better on recent documents.  _

   *_Lord, can't the girl ever get to the point?  She should be telling this to Arthur Weasly, not Mad-Eye!  I'm SURE he knows what forensic science is, it's a required course at the Auror Academy!*_

_   Once I used the potion, I found that the letter was written roughly six days ago, which would mean that it was written the same day we all got off the Hogwarts Express.  I think that Harry's relatives forced him to write a lot of faked letters, and are making him send them every three days.  Thank goodness Hedwig decided to deliver this to me, instead of you.  Is there any way you could go and check on Harry, and if he is in trouble, possibly take him out of there?_

_   Hopefully, I'm wrong, and it was just a case of an owl mistaking who the letter was to be delivered to._

_                        Hermione Granger_

   *_That girl is going to do well as an Auror.  We have GOT to get her to join the division!*_

   Tonks turned her attention to Harry's "letter", reading it silently.  Pausing every now and then, she came to the conclusion that Dumbledore had made a horrible mistake in placing Harry with his blood relatives.  Hurriedly, she snatched  both letters off the table, scratched out a quick note, and disappeared out the front door, Apparating to Hogsmeade without a second's hesitation.

TBC


End file.
